Fun With Computers

A lawyer in my firm has a real difficulty with new technology. Yesterday, he called a computer help line with a problem about his printer. The help line tech asked if he was "Running under Windows." He responded "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. My secretary's desk is under a window and hers is working fine".

Later that morning, the help line tech had the following discussion with Ken, another partner in my firm:

Tech: "Ok Ken, lets press the control and escape keys at the same time. That will bring up the Task List for you in the middle of your screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Ken says back: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech: "On your board Ken."

Ken asks: "What do you mean."

Tech says: "P on your board."

Says Ken: "No way I'm going to do that!"

Another lawyer attempting to set up his new printer told me that he had tried over and over and over again but kept getting the message on his screen: "CAN'T FIND THE PRINTER." When I went to try and solve the problem, he demonstrated that he had even held the printer up in front of the screen but the computer still couldn't find it! Once that problem was solved, he had another complaint that his mouse wasn't working properly. When he moved his mouse to the left, the curser on the screen would move to the right. When he moved the mouse to the right, the curser would go to the left. I turned the mouse around and it worked just fine.

It isn't just the lawyers who have all the fun. My secretary complained that she was having problems with her new laser printer. While the printer did a beautiful job of printing the top half of her pages, the bottom half came out blurry. After several complaints from her, I decided to investigate. Sure enough she started the printer properly. As soon as the paper was half-way printed, she yanked it out and showed it to me and said: "See!"

Our last story involves two secretaries. One was working away on her screen but she noticed a new employee sitting in front of her work station with her arms crossed across her chest staring at the screen and tapping her foot. About 15 minutes later she noticed that the new staff was still doing the same thing, sitting in the same position but now she was muttering under her breath and both feet were tapping impatiently on the floor. Putting her work aside, she walked over and asked "Is there anything I can do to help you?" The colleague replied "It's about time. I pressed the F1 - HELP button over 20 minutes ago!"

One last story. Ken just came in to ask me "I bought a new mouse pad at the store yesterday and I thought I better ask you if would be compatible with my computer."